This is not the end, this is the part of my experience.
''Life has no conclusion, life has no definite pattern, life is living, altering, changing...'' - T.Hadeed
These are the words of my unique Yoga teacher Troy Hadeed from Trinidad & Tobago, who I would like to mention in this letter at the first place without hesitating, as his pure and ordinary soul is possessing so much Love to share, that forgetting to mention him here would be a mistake.
Probably you noticed the title of this blog and wondering about the eding of something. That is the reason, why I want to enrich your daily experience with my little journey, which I definitely need to cut down and will not go too deep to make you bored. Nevertheless, I just want to uncover a bit of reality which might turn your face into that facial expression as the picture below.
I don't write this article to make you feel '' WOW'' or sentimental, worshipping myself or any kind of ''following policy'' which is recently spread across the world. Please try NOT to create any judgments, conclusion or opinions. Just read calmly if you have a time, and let it process inside.
For someone who was studying 5 years Accounting & Auditing and working in the office for 7 years since I came to London in 2012, changing the field of working full time for gym environment & studio platform, has become a significant step out of the regular routine. Thanks to pandemic I was able ( or forced?) to create my home training place for the local clients and using the garden for yoga classes, in order to be able to live and continuing in what I am determined here for. If I should be completely honest to you, I was not fully aware of every steps I made. The decisions came directly from my heart and I just listened to them. My heart has given me a real warning sign to slow down with that high intensity from which I have started my journey, to something what is way more powerful than the time spent in the gym environment convincing myself in the mirror
'' I can do it as without any pain there is no gain''. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing when we train ourselves, but reasonably, without paying attention to the physical appearance and then having the expectations and desires from the ''blind followers'' for their thumb up or ''heart'' icon under my picture. From my own experience, people have no clue where they are in their mind when they are actually training. Therefore, I was always training people to understand the body, rather than to train with the desires for some certain result ( e.g. formed and shaped buttocks, how I was occasionally asked to deliver as a service). No, thank you. I will cut it down now and show you below couple of pictures of such an exciting journey I am going through. Growing from the mud in the garden like a lotus flower, towards creating a foundation through rooting myself to be stable and able to resist the circumstances of the life same like a beautiful tree of life.
OO how much I love this real expression of these words together.
Couple of pictures for you to imagine how everything has started and how it's unfolding constantly.
Next step came right after the summer 2021 when I explored there is another stage ready for my own performance. Opening my own space Body & Grace studio, Bow in October 2021.Yes, this decision has not been made with the desire to ''own'' something, it's been directed with the feeling of being able to bring my authenticity and realness of intention to serve others, in order to bring more understanding, compassion and love towards ourselves & everyone around us.I was trying to bring a bit of more understanding how we let ourselves being affected with the pressure of the conditioned-mind society around and forgetting what actually we are doing here at this planet Earth as we're completely disconnected from our own inner space, inner Self, considering our body as a machine, which we assume we understand from the physical side, however we have completely miss-understood that our body is the gift, not our possession.
Looking below, you can see the pictures of the change we made from the empty office space, turned into my ambience of stillness touched deeply with my heart. Incredible humble thank you is dedicated to my beloved husband Jan for his constant support and side-by standing next to me.Not staring at me. And that is very important point to think about!
I will not be talking right now about what Yoga teaching really means for me, it will be another page for that, or you can find more about that directly at the website. This is just a brief expression of my real feelings and uncovering a bit of realness when you try to run a small business in this society of the labeled and conditioned minds as we are.
If the title of this article is creating the question in your head, then yes, you are right. Unfortunately, this stage where I was trying to perform for a while, will have to shut the curtain down and let the life unfold my pathway again according to my reasonable decision to close Body & Grace at the end of February. Although, it's impossible to hide the pain in my heart, mainly because of those couple of people who found my heart in my space and became related to it. Obviously, the feeling of hurt is there when I attach myself to that space of 60m2.However, taking it from the different perspective, my heart and my soul are going with me along with my lotus flower on the wall. The space will be just the empty same space again as before, just with 4 plasterboard walls around and nice green view outside.
Warrior I & II & III
The situation I have occurred in is really interesting, as I feel like I have peace in my mind and my heart is at ease. I assume the relief is from what was making me heavy inside already for a while, since I was trying to make it running no matter what. Considering all marketing tools which I was forced to do on my own ( same like everything else needed for setting up the business, and when I talk about everything, I really do mean everything - wohoo lol),although I have kind of averse in me against some of those special way of promoting. Being labeled according to how many followers I do have, and what even more, how many I do personally follow, made me absolutely resisted to this kind of let's call it ''real illusion'' in which we are living and letting ourselves being surrounded.
Apparently trying to run the business with my full authenticity and honesty has not find the right place yet in this city and need to be postponed. However, as this life is here for us and not against us, I am full of excitement about the next experience, as this is exactly what we need to go through, in order to grow and stand up from the knees.Always.
''Spirit? No, thank you.''
One thing though I have to add regarding the understanding and practising Yoga here in London. People are not aware of the reason they are practising Yoga. They don't pay attention to what Yoga is about and what they do on the mat. Yoga here in this big, busy and constantly rushing city has been adopted by fitness and represents just another class to release the endorphins. People don't even know why they do Yoga. With the fast classes scheduled within 60min back to back, people are rushing from fast world to do fast Yoga and quickly leave the class to come back to their quick disconnected existence. I was trying to bring the real understanding of Yoga into the people's life through the slow mindful, but strong Vinyasa practice which involves all limbs of Yoga along with teaching of Sutras which are the foundation of living Yoga and practising Yoga in daily life. Slow movements are allowing you to understand your body and match it with the breath. Everyone around is talking about ''connection of Body & Breath & Mind'', but how are we able to connect it, if the movements are fast and focusing only what you are able to do, what pose you do, how you look on the picture and how many likes you get from your last collection of promoting someone's Yoga clothes in some how they call it ''advanced'' poses. When are we finally realise it really does not matter what you are able to do, but how you do it and that means the most advance pose of practising Yoga is to be able to be still. Not just on the mat, but also off the mat in your daily life.
But apparently my time to expand here in this city has not come yet. And who knows where my life will guide me further. I am trying not to hold any emotions or attachments to my heart-related space Body & Grace, as the full potential can be truly unfold internally within us, not externally.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - J.Campbell
This if an officially announcement that Body & Grace is closing the door within 4 plasterboard walls, however, the door of my heart remains open to accept, process, heal and release.
I want to open my heart to you honestly with the words saying humble THANK YOU
- to all beautiful souls who found the ambience of Body & Grace around and gave the opportunity to penetrate it inside with their regular attendance to my classes;
- to all those who only came once and I've never heard from them;
- to all those who only subscribed to my website and never crossed the door;
- to everyone who said I am crazy enough to open a studio during Covid pandemic loling...!-trying...!-)
I love you ALL.
With these words I am ending this short brief uncovering letter of my journey so far, and honestly
I want to believe that you will find in my words only humility, understanding and Love.
P.S. I am planning to be around, hence, if you wish to stay updated about my presence and practising with me, stay in touch subscribed with Grace & Love, 'cause I ain't no stop trying...! :)